"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants."
-Epictetus

All these people's problems, pains, desires, needs...they're all so...trivial. I feel so detached from them since I can't relate to any of them at all. Such short-sightedness! Tragic how they can't see beyond their little problems. I do envy their ability to truly love, though. People like me and Kamala, we cannot. She practices love as a business and although I do care about her to a certain degree, all of this is mostly for my own spiritual gain.

Practicings of Love and Business

Today I met up with a wealthy merchant named Kamaswami in order to discuss whether I was fit to work with him. I was able to impress him with my ability to read and write and he accepted me.
I now lived in his house and was pampered well. Everyday he showed me goods and warehouses and accounts and he and I discussed the practices of business...well he did most of the talking while I listened. I learned a lot and Kamaswami really seemed to have a great passion for business. To me, however, it's all trivial. It all seemed like a game; all the money and needs and goods, all so superficial.
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Life with Kamala however, is a totally different story. Everyday she gives me a new teaching of passion, love, sex, admiration, and pleasure. I believe I'm learning a lot more from her compared to anyone else I have encountered. Through her lessons, I have learned to completely surrender Self but while keeping my true goal still in mind, one of the traits in the Eightfold Path.
--
To say I learned nothing from Kamaswami wouldn't be correct. Through observing him and his business practices and his views on wealth and material, I learned that all this immediate gain doesn't substitute true spiritual profit whatsoever.
I believe that he is growing annoyed with me for taking the practice of commerce and business so lightly.

Such Beauty!

I was wandering along the outskirts of a village and I stumbled upon the most beautiful woman.

Kamala

I saw her in her grove and bowed, longing to enter but it hit me that I'm still a Samana, a beggar. Oh how on Earth can I approach her like this? I've seen the way the village people eyed me: scornfully, distrustfully, condescending...
I entered town and was able to learn more about her. Her name is Kamala, a popular courtesan who owned a house.
I made a point to clean myself up; I got my beard shaved off at the barber's and had my hair combed and rubbed with fine oil. Afterwards I bathed in the river. Finally I was presentable.
I finally had a chance to meet up with Kamala. I requested for her to be my friend and to teach me about love and pleasure but she isn't an easy one.
I must "have clothes, fine clothes, and shoes, fine shoes, and plenty of money in his purse and presents for Kamala", she demands.
I take this to heart. I then requested a kiss from her if I recited a poem that she liked.

"Into her grove went the fair Kamala
At the entrance to the grove stood the brown Samana.
As he saw the lotus flower,
Deeply he bowed.
Smiling, acknowledged Kamala,
Better, thought the young Samana
To make sacrifices to the fair Kamala
Than to offer sacrifices to the gods."

Fortunately she enjoyed my poem and as promised, she gave me a kiss. Goodness, it was absolutely wonderful.

Gorgeous Village Woman

Almost let myself go there but thankfully I was able to control my urge.

I came upon a friendly ferryman who let me sleep in his hut for the night. The day afterwards he took me across the river and didn't ask for any payment whatsoever. He seems to have a special spiritual connection with the river, telling me that he has learned much by listening to it. Interesting. I'm grateful for his kindness. He said that I will repay him some other time and that from the river he learned that everything comes back, I wonder what he means by that!

Word has gotten around about a certain wise man who has achieved enlightenment, Gotama Buddha. Govinda and I traveled to go see him and I was hoping I could gain some insight on how to achieve spiritual enlightenment from him. We finally spot him in the crowd and are able to listen to him discuss the Eightfold Path and the Fourfold Way and many other factors of Buddhism. I'll admit I was impressed by his words and how much he really radiated knowledge, peace, and wisdom. Govinda was so swayed by his teachings he decided to join his group of followers permanently but I have no interest in doing so. Leaving my companion was a difficult thing to do but I'm glad he is no longer lingering in my shadows; my journey towards enlightenment is something I must achieve alone. I shall miss him and I sincerely hope he finds what he's looking for.

After my farewell with Govinda I happened to come upon Gotama Buddha. We spoke of his approach towards enlightenment and other aspects of his teachings and I found that part of his teachings seemed to contradict itself. 

Following this conversation I came to realize that it is up to me, and only me to reach enlightenment. I cannot gain wisdom or knowledge from others' teachings. I must find my own way. From now on I see the world in a new way and will no longer accept the teachings of others. I am alone.

Not Quite What I Was Looking For

Hello again. It's been a while, 3 years perhaps? Here's a brief description of my 3 year experience with the Samanas:

• gave away my clothes
• fasted for long periods at a time and only ate once a day if I wasn't fasting
• self-torture (stood in the burning sun without water, stood in the freezing rain, stood in thorny bushes) until I lost feeling and "escaped myself"
• lost my desire for all typical superficial trappings such as sex, material belongings, money, passion, joy, etc.

Govinda and I definitely learned a lot from the Samanas; we learned how to disconnect from the superficial world and be free from shallow needs. Unfortunately I was not yet at inner peace and decided to leave the group in pursuit of true enlightenment. Hopefully I will find it.

Accepted by the Samanas!

Govinda and I are excited to see what we can learn from this group of wandering ascetics. Unfortunately I must deprive myself from many aspects of the material world, so with sadness this blog will be on a temporary hiatus while I am with the Samanas. I'm not sure how much time I will spend with them but whether I succeed in achieving enlightenment or face failure, I'll be back to document it here. Farewell for now.

I finally told father of my plan to join the Samanas. As expected, he became furious and rejected the idea at once and left the room. But I was stubborn and persistant. I didn't take no for an answer and I waited the whole night. Of course I grew tired and sleepy but it was important to prove to my father that I am determined to leave the town to embark on a new journey.
Eventually he gave in and permitted me to go.
"You will go into the forest and become a Samana." he said, "If you find bliss in the forest, come back and teach it to me. If you find disillusionment, come back, and we shall again offer sacrifices to the gods together."
Kind words but the thought of returning to this village doesn't appeal to me.
I followed my father's words and said goodbye to my mother.
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As I was leaving the town at daybreak I noticed someone come out of their hut to join me in my departure. It was my loyal friend, Govinda.